Helpful things to know before becoming a parent:

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1.)    There is a reason the terms are “Labor” and “Delivery”…..Although, I tend to think labor should be renamed as “Pain-so-intense-that-anything-said-or-done-during –this-period –of- time –should- be-completely- disregarded”.

2.)    Once you become a parent, you can forget the terms “a full night’s sleep” or a “restful night” basically for the rest of your life, because if you’re not up with a child you are worrying about one of them.

3.)    How to remove stains because for the next 20 years you will be removing just about every type of bodily fluid, writing utensil, dirt, or anything else that makes a mess,  off of just about every part of your body, clothes and home.

4.)    How to do everything, yes, that means going to the bathroom, with one hand….or even better, with your feet.

5.)    Privacy and Parenthood are not compatible…..do not expect to sit down from start to finish for anything…especially eating a meal or going to the bathroom…..if they can’t open the door they will talk to you under the door.

6.)    Things that inspire creativity are messy….get used to it.

7.)    The answers to all of life’s questions…..including the favorite’s of where babies come from and why boys and girls are different. Then there are always the one’s of why dogs chase cats, do bugs fart, or why poop smells yucky…no, “I don’t  know” is not acceptable. Simple answers are good until 4 yrs old, after that just ask them what they think because by then they think they have a better answer anyway.

8.)    Your children will be smarter than you. Honesty is always the best policy

9.)    Get all of the three S’s ( Sleep, sex and solitude) that you can before parenting because after that it’s a bit trickier.

10.) You will never know what joy and success is until you become a parent.

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